


It Gets Late Early Out There

by darkrose



Category: Baseball RPF, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Baseball, Alternate Universe - Welcome to Night Vale, Baseball, Crack, Crack Crossover, Demons, Gen, San Francisco Giants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:39:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkrose/pseuds/darkrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A strange new pitcher from a strange desert town joins the San Francisco Giants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Gets Late Early Out There

**Author's Note:**

> Alex Pavlovic is a real beat writer for the San Francisco Giants. All players mentioned in this fic are real people, with one obvious exception. Welcome to Night Vale is not mine, and this fic should not be taken as fact in any reality or any point on the time-space continuum. All Hail the Glow Cloud.

**Giants rookie phenom makes a powerful impact**

_By Alex Pavlovic  
San Jose Mercury News_

Like most pitchers, Azrael Morningstar has his own routine when he takes the mound. When asked what he scratches in the dirt before he throws his first pitch, he just smiled.

"It's a religious thing." After being pressed for details, he added, "It's not like I can go up and make the appropriate sacrifices right there on the mound. So I draw a minor sigil as a reminder to myself to perform the full ritual after the game."

On a team known for its quirks, eccentricities, and just plain weirdness, it takes a lot to stand out, but since he was called up last week to replace Barry Zito (on the DL after an unfortunate avocado-related injury), the Giants rookie starter has made quite the splash. He's 2-0 with a 1.09 ERA in his two starting appearances, including last night's 20-1 blowout at AT&T Park that put the brakes on the red-hot Dodgers.

In that game, Dodgers' skipper Don Mattingly was tossed after arguing a call where Morningstar appeared to hit Yasiel Puig in the head with a 99-MPH fastball. In his previous at-bat, Puig scored the only Dodgers run off Morningstar with a solo shot to deep right field. Puig fell down and was called out on strikes, but replays showed that the ball which allegedly hit him was a perfect strike right down the middle, and that Puig deliberately went down in what one reporter described as "practically a soccer flop." Morningstar denied throwing at Puig's head, saying, "If I'd meant to hit him, he wouldn't have gotten back up. But I bet he won't pimp his next home run."

Growing up in the small desert town of Night Vale, which returns the words "REDACTED" in red across the entire screen when searched on Google Earth, Morningstar describes his life as "pretty ordinary, really." After he was "begotten, not made, of one being with the Glow Cloud. The Cloud is Father, the Cloud is Mother. All Hail the Glow Cloud," he was adopted by the town's hottest celebrity couple, Carlos the scientist and broadcaster Cecil Palmer. Morningstar attributes his success to his strict but loving upbringing, and his fathers' insistence that he lead a normal human life despite being the progeny of a amorphous eldritch entity. "I was a Boy Scout," he explained, "though I never got past Blood Pact Scout. I started Little League, and decided that playing baseball was all I wanted to do."

Morningstar sheepishly confessed to idolizing Buster Posey as a child, even though they're exactly the same age. "Posey is basically the Platonic ideal of normalcy, which gave me something to aim for as I played under the watchful eye of the Sheriff's Secret Police." Strangely, no one can remember him being drafted, or ever actually seeing him before last year.

Although a recent explosion destroyed all information pertaining to his records with the Giants minor league clubs in San Jose and Richmond, Morningstar must have performed well. Still, his 6.66 ERA in AAA Fresno was alarming, and few scouts thought he'd be in the majors this year. But when Zito was injured and all other available options suddenly developed the dreaded flu-like symptoms, Morningstar got on the bus, bringing his blazing fastball and a slider that literally defies the laws of physics. 

Despite his striking appearance--stark white hair, ultraviolet eyes, and extensive tattoos that seem to cast their own shadows against his golden-brown skin--Morningstar described himself as "kind of shy; I don't really like the limelight." When told that he's popular among his teammates, who say that they can't imagine a time when he wasn't on the team, he laughed.

"I do like Pence, because he's no more human than I am--and seriously, you guys haven't figured that out yet?--although eventually, if his species invades Earth, we will have to battle one another for dominion of this world." He's close friends with Brandon Belt as well: "Brandon's a great guy and a fantastic ballplayer....You're not the one who said his body language was 'pathetic', I hope? Because I don't like it when people say mean things about Brandon," he added as his eyes began to glow menacingly.

For his part, Bruce Bochy is thrilled with his new starter. "Azzie's exactly the kind of spark this team needed," he said, "And I'm not just talking about the way he set Angel Hernandez on fire with his mind. He's assured me that was an accident and it won't happen again."

Morningstar said he's just happy for the chance to play in the big leagues. "I want to do anything in my power--short of assuming my true corporeal form which would break your limited human minds, of course--to help this team win."

* * *

Pavs' jaw drops open as he reads the 800 words of utter nonsense he's just typed. "What the fuck?" Before he can hit Select All and delete everything, his screen goes blank. No matter how many time he types command-Z, he can't Undo Typing; after a while he shakes his head and starts in on the off-day story he'd planned to write. 

That night, his dreams are haunted by a glowing cloud that hums an oddly familiar melody in a low bass range that sets his teeth on edge. Just before he forces himself awake, he hears a voice coming from the cloud:

"This is my son, with whom I am well pleased. All Hail the Glow Cloud. All Hail."

**Author's Note:**

> I actually blame Telesilla for this a little, because we were griping about the ostentatious displays of religiosity that are becoming common in sports, and how we wanted to see someone go up and draw a pentacle on the mound. The resulting fic is the product of a sad Giants fan who's been mainlining Welcome to Night Vale this week, and it's totally wish-fulfillment except for two things: I don't actually want Yasiel Puig to get drilled in the head, and I don't really want to set Angel Hernandez on fire.
> 
> The title is a quote attributed to Yogi Berra.


End file.
